Relationship Reality

When I was little someone once told me love was never enough of a reason to stay somewhere that makes you unhappy. So I say—if you are unhappy more often than you are happy, you do not need to keep doling out second chances to see if that will change. You don’t have to feel guilty for protecting your own self-interest.  However, there are some exceptions. If you are invested in the relationship, see a future with your partner or would regret not giving them another chance, then try to work out your problems in a constructive way.

Second chances are important when the feeling is temporary due to a bad mood, or if the ill feelings are brought by an insignificant disagreement, such as who has control of the remote. Imagine if you never gave second chances to your parents, siblings or childhood friends. You would never have spoken to your parents after they gave you broccoli when you were three or to your sister after she broke your Barbie car— seems silly. Well it happens in relationships, too.

You see couples screaming and gesturing vulgarities at each other. The very next morning they are kissing, hugging and celebrating being back together. Twelve hours later they are back in a texting war. We all know that couple—in fact, we may have even been that couple.

Some people forgive serious transgressions too quickly, and others will hold a grudge against their partner for the duration of the relationship and refuse to get over something trivial. Neither of these situations sound good to me and while it’s important to let the little things go, there are a few unforgivable relationships sins.

1. Any form of abuse is unacceptable and some people assume that because they aren’t being hit, they are not being abused. However, when in any relationship you should never feel afraid of the other person, their words or their actions. Someone texting curse words at you several times a day is abusive, whether you would like to label it as such or not.

2. Another issue similar to abuse is controlling behavior. If your significant other tries to control what you wear, which friends you have and how you behave, then there is no second chance—that relationship is over. Relationships are about finding someone who is compatible and complementary to you so if you need to change to be with someone, you are just cheating yourself. Controlling behavior is also unacceptable because this manipulation will last. People who think they can control and manipulate you, will not stop if you keep allowing them to do so.

3. The next relationship sin is infidelity, which should be self-explanatory. It’s a betrayal in the most intimate way and much like controlling behaviors, once this begins, it’s a hard habit to break.

All of these behaviors usually indicate some level of underlying issues, as well. They show a great lack of rationality and reliability, which are key ingredients to a healthy relationship. This is essential in someone you would desire to be your partner in life.

As long as you find your significant other a source of happiness in your life, most of the time you spend together is more uplifting than draining and they have not committed one of these “sins,” a second chance is always worth it. I think the people you give second chances to are the people you stand to gain the most from because that second chance should be more worthwhile than the first one. Unless you are being taken advantage of, or the majority of your days with your partner are spent in misery, it’s never wrong or unreasonable to give them a second chance.