Getting Your Space
Published: Monday, February 25, 2013
Updated: Monday, February 25, 2013 22:02
You’ve passed the point where your heart flutters every time he texts you or you long to see him after only 50 minutes of class time without him. Now, you just long for time without him. Does this mean you don’t still love him? Maybe, but it’s more likely you probably need time apart to appreciate both him and yourself as individuals as opposed to the two of you as a package.
It’s the same as spending too much time with a brother, sister, or even your best friend. Eventually everyone needs a small escape. The most important thing to keep in mind is not to feel guilty about this and to not take this as a sign you need to break up.
If your boyfriend is smothering you, tell him a girl’s night is in order or maybe just night to yourself. Tell him gently and if he asks to come along remind him that there’s “no boys allowed.” Let him know you will miss him, but that it’s important to show you value your girlfriends too. Also, text him at the beginning of the night and to say your phone won’t be on the whole time, which will remove the pressure of needing to respond to incessant texts.
If he cannot respect this and becomes possessive, this is when it’s time to reconsider the relationship. If he does respect this though, then maybe try spending more time with just your friends. Make room for Friday afternoon lunches with them and time with him later. And, if what you are really craving is solitude try something just for you-go for a bike ride along the trails near campus, or take a fitness class at the Little Bob that won’t require a lot of communication with others. Not only will this give the space you need, it will give the opportunity to miss him and all the wonderful things you love about him.
It’s like going home at the end of each semester-at first you are relieved and excited to have time away, and then suddenly you realize how much you miss it. You learn to appreciate all the little nuances of the university and all the experiences you’ve come to take for granted.
Hopefully, with more time and space you will be able to recenter your focus on yourself and rekindle the passion for him. You might even end up wanting to spend every minute together again.
But if time apart doesn’t change anything and you still feel suffocated, you are going to have some difficult decisions to make. Mutual love and respect sustains a healthy relationship, and not addressing your own needs will result in slowly losing who you are. The same goes for your partner-when one of those two aspects disappears it causes someone to compromise their happiness to appease the other person. So make sure to make sure to voice your needs, because everyone deserves to be in a relationship that is living up to its full potential.