The Review

Issue date: 4/10/07 Section: Mosaic

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Exes are exes for a reason. Once the flame is put out, both partners go back on the market, right?

Hell yeah - unless your friend was in that relationship.

Hooking up with your friend's ex could either be breaking every cardinal rule of friendship or just getting a little taste of your friend's former flame. So can you do it?

That's the problem with getting involved with your friend's ex, there isn't one simple answer. There are too many variables that go into the equation that will decide if you're doing something right or wrong.

I mean, you could just come out and ask. That, of course, seems like the most obvious and easiest way. But let's be real, you already know if your friend is still into his or her ex or not. It's one thing for friends to admit they're still not over their ex, but it's another for them to admit they're holding onto a relationship that's over. Even though you asked, you may not get the real answer, which could later put your friendship on thin ice.

First, figure out if you can get a little taste without losing your friend. What kind of friend is this? Is it a best friend or is this one of those say-'What's up'-to-at-the-bar type of friend?

Assuming you're a smart college student, you already figured that out and you already know that it's so much worse to step on the toes of your best friend rather than just an acquaintance.

Now, how about their actual relationship. Long, short, fought a lot, just a hook up, high school lovers? All that goes into the equation, too. If it was one of those freshman year hook ups and you're now a senior, you have better odds of not hurting your friend compared to if their relationship ended before Spring Break and now you want a piece.

But if it was one of those long, so-in-love relationships where they were "that couple" on campus, I wouldn't recommend getting into something like that.

Neither does Danielle, a senior.

"I've been dating Mike for four years," Danielle says. "If we broke up tomorrow and any of my friends tried to date him, I'd probably kill them. Well, not really, but you know what I mean."

You also have to consider the actual break up and who did the breaking up. If it was a messy break-up or your friend was dumped, don't add anymore weight to their already-crushed heart.

However, if they are real exes - like completely-moved-on-and-don't-get-nervous-butterflies-in-their-belly-when-they-see-each-other exes - your green light is flashing.

If you decide to go ahead and get some of what your friend used to have, be up front and honest about it. You don't want your friend finding out through the grapevine that you and his or her ex are getting close behind their back.

But if that's not your style, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.

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