Published: Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Updated: Wednesday, February 6, 2013 21:02
When you tell an anecdotal story about your sister going out with her friends, other people do not interpret that as your sister needing space away from you. When you talk about how your roommate doesn’t talk very much in the morning, your friends don’t interpret that as your roommate being mad at or disappointed in you. When you tell them how your best friend comments lightly on how tiny a dress is, no one interprets that as her trying to control you and if they did would you even listen?
So why would anyone listen when others are saying those things about a (potential) romantic relationship? Friends don’t know all the signs and meaning behind the intentions and actions of other people you are in a relationship with, so they really have no right to comment on a relationship of that manner.
Hearing everyone’s tips and tricks on how to tell if he is really interested, or if she’s just using you, will only serve to drive you crazy and distract you from the important aspects of a relationship.
The real test to see if any relationship is right is how you feel. Don’t spend every second obsessing where his eyes are focusing. Chances are if it did not bother you that he was staring at your lips when you talk before your friend said it should, it is not a sign that you are not compatible. It is probably just a sign that you are gullible. In the same suit if it did not bother you that she texted you 26 times a day before your buddy said something about it, that probably also means you really don’t mind it. These tips really only work for the people suggesting them.
For instance I have a friend that warns all of her friends against dating guys that cross any part of their legs when they sit down. That sounds silly right? Well, it’s really no more silly than breaking up with someone because he did not pass the latest Cosmopolitan quiz.
And this does not just go for the actions of your potential significant other. This goes toward what they see in you as well. Just because your friend wants him to notice or ignore a specific attribute you have or do not have, does not mean he should.
If he chooses to look at the plunging neckline you are wearing, maybe that makes you feel used or uncomfortable. But then again maybe it makes you feel proud of your body, or confident because he finds you attractive in the same way you do. Maybe you would prefer her to notice that you are smart and think it is attractive that you read the New York Times everyday. But if she seems jealous of the time you spend reading, or she finds it to be a turnoff, maybe it’s okay to cut your losses and find someone who will value the same things about yourself that you do.
You are the only person who knows what right is. If you feel something for someone and he or she reciprocate it, instead of worrying if it is right or wrong, instead of consulting every magazine on the planet, consult yourself. If you love that he watches your hand gestures when you talk instead of your eyes, why listen to your friend’s advice on those trivial things?