American author James Norman Hall once said, "Loafing is the most productive part of a writer's life."
If Hall was indeed correct, approximately 12,000 television and film writers are currently experiencing their peak levels of productivity en masse. As of 12:01 a.m., Monday, Nov. 5, all 9,000 members of the Writers Guild of America, West and 3,000 members of the Writers Guild of America, East went on strike, making them a loafing line Hall would admire.
The entertainment industry's writers have emerged from their lonesome lives of artistic solitude (undoubtedly every writer lives such a life - I myself am writing this from a friendless cell of isolation) and banded together in a rare strike for a bigger piece of the profit pie.
The writers' message is somewhat cryptic, but it appears they want to actually be paid for their work. This seems a little presumptuous. Writers historically work for free, subscribe to starvation diets and adopt eco-friendly lifestyles by living in homes of cardboard. The entertainment industry's writers have simply been blinded by those glitzy Hollywood lights, and are temporarily outside their minds.
For example, the unreasonable demands they made in negotiations with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers leading up to last week's strike surround two main issues. First, writers are dissatisfied with the payment they receive each time a DVD that uses one of their scripts is sold. Apparently, when the studio charges $19.99 for the DVD and the writer makes 4 cents, that's not enough.
Second, writers are riled up about the Internet. They think the information superhighway is swell, but when studios release television show episodes or movies on the Internet and fail to pay writers anything, feathers get ruffled.
According to the Writers Guild of America, East's Web site, studios post the episodes and movies and then take advertisements, saying they have to fund the project. However, posting the shows and films doesn't cost much and the advertisements end up as revenue - $4.6 billion over the next three years, to be exact.
Writers say that's a pretty big chunk of pocket change studios are carrying around, and they're not sharing any of it with their friendly neighborhood writers because they say Internet material is for promotion, not profit. I see the studios' point. I wouldn't call $4.6 billion profit, either. I would call it highway robbery.
At the end of a hearty day on the picket line, the dollar signs in the writers' eyes are visible from miles away. They're asking for - hang on to your seat - 8 cents for every DVD sold as opposed to the 4 cents they currently make. For all you math whizzes out there, that's 0.4 percent of the price of the DVD.
Then there's the real shocker: rather than their current earnings of zero for Internet showings, writers want the same payment they would receive if the show or movie were being broadcast on television - 2.5 percent of the total profits. With earnings like that, they'll finally be able to splurge on the 50 pack of No. 2 pencils.
Still, it all seems a little too much to ask. Writers overestimate their own importance. Everyone knows Hollywood is about the producers, the studio owners, the guys on top. They're the ones with the big bucks (clearly) and they're the ones who make the magic happen.
The show can and will go on without the writers. Which is why "The Late Show With David Letterman," "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," "The Daily Show" and "Colbert Report," among others were forced into reruns after only two days of the strike.
It was a valiant two-day show of strength by the studios, but maybe it's time to man up and pay the writers. Pay them anything. Pay them in chickens and homespun cloth. Because the only place to go from zero is up.
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