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Consider this an open appreciation column for the one and only Kevin Federline, or as his boys and supporters like myself call him, K-Fed.
One might be alarmed by such a proclamation, but let's get real. Only in the United States of America can a skinny white boy obsessed with Hip-hop drop out of high school to become a backup dancer for Britney Spears' ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, and later marry the international superstar Spears herself.
Rags-to-riches was practically redefined.
Summing up K-Fed's unbelievable story in a sentence doesn't give proper justice or respect to what this man has accomplished. He is the consummate example of an awesome father, totally cool husband and kick-ass professional whatever-he-does-I'm-not-sure.
I feel most compelled to write this due to the simple fact that K-Fed is getting killed in the press right now and it troubles me greatly. We've all heard the jibs and jabs on K-Fed's lifestyle and character, but it's time to take a stand and refute such comments.
First, people can't seem to get over K-Fed's style. Haters are going to hate, but they don't realize K-Fed is truly redefining the look of a sophisticated young man living in America. Alongside his elegant wife, K-Fed has shown men in this country what it means to be suave. Not since trendsetter Fred Durst has a person single-handedly made a baseball cap the imperative accessory to an impeccable stepping-out outfit.
Grooming for K-Fed is optional and it really lets his true character shine through. I can just imagine his routine when he wakes up from his 13-hour sleep. Shower? I just did a few days ago. Brush my teeth? Maybe. Comb my hair? I'm an artist - I can't waste my time with such frivolous nonsense. My man is just trying to live. It's a known fact hygiene just gets in a genius' way.
But here's what tugs at my heart. Journalists, television personalities, his wife, their families, friends, acquaintances and the American population viciously attack K-Fed for his work ethic. They claim all he does is spend Spears' money. They even go so far to say he has no talent.
Not so fast, haters.
Did you not see him in the Pink music video, poppin' and twerkin'? And if you thought that was the extent of his talent, you, my ignorant friend, are mistaken.
The new year ushered in a new era in music and human existence in general. "PopoZao," a Portuguese slang term for "luscious ass," was unleashed as the first single from K-Fed's upcoming album. Joining the ranks of McCartney, Jagger and Dylan, K-Fed's soul-searching, poignant lyrics are just what the stale music industry desperately needs.
"Bring that Brazil booty on the floor / Up, down, all around / Work that shit to this funky sound."
I won't even try to articulate the way I felt after listening to "PopoZao." It was one of those transcendental moments when you are truly left speechless. So many questions raced through my mind. How could someone so young create such timeless art? Does he realize how good he is? I could only come up with one universal answer: K-Fed is brilliant.
From backup dancer to the voice of our generation, K-Fed is the American dream in its purest sense. He became an overnight millionaire without doing a thing and that's why we love and celebrate K-Fed, even if we take a couple of loving jabs at him.
Children will soon look to K-Fed, not President George W. Bush, as their hero for the simple fact that this country will glamorize and glorify those who work the least. Why finish high school? K-Fed didn't. Wise up kids - success comes to those in a wife-beater, not the schmucks who actually try to work hard for what they want.
America - the land of opportunity.
Wesley Case is an Entertainment Editor for The Review. He has a penchant for bad pop-punk bands like Alkaline Trio. Send comments to wescase@udel.edu
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